I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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