So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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