Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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