you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish you could order shots online.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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