people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
