Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
