This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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