Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
