The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hippo gnu deer
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
