the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize