my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
