I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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