He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
