I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
