She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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