just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
