You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
