Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
