so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
