You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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