It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
