you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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