I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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