Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize