you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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