I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
