the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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