My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
