If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
