babies were throwing up all over the place
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dignity is for republicans.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
