What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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