so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
