can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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