You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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