I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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