it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
