first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
