All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
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He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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