Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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