What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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