we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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