Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
