I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
