my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize