im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
