what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
