I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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