My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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