I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
