This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
