So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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