Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
