Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
