i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
