Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
