i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
