Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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