Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
