In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
