Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
