I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
