There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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