Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
