Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
