the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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