I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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