very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
