Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
