I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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