if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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