sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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