i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
