I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
