and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have aggressive nipples.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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