i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
