when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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