My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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