I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
